Okay, I admit it. I was longing. I did not understand. I was seeking goodness, but as I looked around me, there it was: evil; I even found it inside me. I had tried. I really did. I felt as if I had been reaching and reaching for good, but I could not reach it. I had felt that I had also waited on God, but He did not get it for me. Then it occurred to me that perhaps good was not something to take hold of, but rather something to become.
I thought of God. I thought of His goodness. When He says, “I am good,” it was not as if I had said, “I am happy,” but more as if I had said, “I am Braeden.” Braeden does not describe who I am. Braeden, in itself, is worthless without a figure to represent. Braeden represents me. Braeden represents who I am, what I do, what I desire, and how I live. Good represents God. Good represents who He is, what He does, what He desires, and how He lives. If you want to be Braeden, you must become like me. If you want to be good, you must become like God.
How am I to become like God? I thought. I imagined God as compared to light. If I were in darkness, nay, if darkness were in me, and I wanted to have light where I was dark, should I then try to create light to fill the darkness? No, of course not! I must remove whatever is blocking light from entering, that light may enter me. Good and evil, or God and not-God, are like light and darkness. Darkness is the absence of light. Evil is the absence of good (God). God’s light is all around me, and I want it to enter me. I cannot create more of His light to fill the darkness inside of me. It would be futile to attempt to grab God’s goodness and put it inside of me. Who can grab light? No, but I must remove whatever is blocking God’s light. If I want to be good, I must remove whatever it is that is making me evil so that I may be good.
If I am greedy with my money, and doing evil with my money, I must not try to do good things with my money, that is like trying to grab light and move it into the shadows. I must remove what is causing me to greedily sin with my money: the love of money. If I can get rid of the source of the evil—what is keeping away the good—I can become good.